Cute sayings what do you think?

%26gt; 1) When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died

%26gt;peacefully

in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."

%26gt; - Author Unknown

%26gt;

%26gt; 2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you

%26gt; get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:

%26gt; "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

%26gt; - Author Unknown

%26gt;

%26gt; 3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so?

%26gt; There's a support group for that.

%26gt; It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."

%26gt; - Drew Carey

%26gt;

%26gt; 4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's

%26gt; not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into

%26gt; doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,

%26gt; drop them off at the wrong house."

%26gt; - Jeff Foxworthy

%26gt;

%26gt; 5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball

%26gt; and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the

%26gt; infant's life without even considering if there is a man on

%26gt;base."

%26gt; - Dave Barry

%26gt;

%26gt; 6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and

%26gt; we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend

%26gt; wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' not ice.

%26gt; There should be severance pay, the day before they leave

%26gt; you, they should have to find you a temp."

%26gt; - Bob Ettinger

%26gt;

%26gt; 7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took

%26gt; her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said,

%26gt; 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"

%26gt; - Paula Poundstone

%26gt;

%26gt; 8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have

%26gt; better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the

%26gt; authors of that study: "Duh"

%26gt; - Conan O'Brien

%26gt;

%26gt; 9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm

%26gt; halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....

%26gt; I could be eating a slow learner."

%26gt; - Lynda Montgomery

%26gt;

%26gt; 10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of

%26gt; people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime

%26gt; and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough.

%26gt; Let's go west.'"

%26gt; - Richard Jeni

%26gt;

%26gt; 11) "If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the

%26gt; impersonators would be dead."- Johnny Carson

%26gt;

%26gt; 12) "Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us

%26gt;geography"

%26gt; - Paul Rodriguez

%26gt;

%26gt; 13) "My parents didn't want to move to Florida ,

%26gt; but they turned sixty and that's the law"

%26gt; - Jerry Seinfeld

%26gt;

%26gt; 14) "Remember in elementary school, you were told that in

%26gt; case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line

%26gt; from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that?

%26gt; What, do tall people burn slower?"

%26gt; - Warren Hutcherson

%26gt;

%26gt; 15) "Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many.

%26gt; Monogamy is the same."

%26gt; - Oscar Wilde

%26gt;

%26gt; 16) "Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a

%26gt; member of Congress.. But I repeat myself"

%26gt; - Mark Twain

%26gt;

%26gt; 17) "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.

%26gt; At least they can find Afghanistan ."

%26gt; A. Whitney Brown

%26gt;

%26gt; 18) "You can say any foolish thing to a dog,

%26gt; and the dog will give you a look that says,

%26gt; 'My God, you're right!

%26gt; I never would've thought of that!'"

%26gt; - Dave Barry

%26gt;

%26gt; 19) Do you know why they call it "PMS"?

%26gt; Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.

%26gt; - Unknown, presumed deceased

%26gt;

%26gt; 20) "Everybody's got to believe in something.

%26gt; I believe I'll have another beer."

%26gt; - W. C. Fields

%26gt;

%26gt;

%26gt; And lastly: Why in Hell should I have to Press 1 for English!!!Cute sayings what do you think?
1, 7, %26amp; 9 are hilarious...thanks for posting this, I needed a good laugh this morning. :)
VERY CUTE-I LIKE THE LAST ONE MOST..Cute sayings what do you think?
Having played baseball most of my life I love number 5...good laugh out of it.