HELP!! She's Pregnant and I don't know what to do!!!?

Ok this is a LONG entry but PLEASE read ALL of it if you want to answer. Thanks. Im 26 btw.

So this girl I have been hanging out for several months told me she is PREGNANT!!! Im gonna be a DAD!!!.....I have had SOOO many emotions in the past 48 hours....but it gets REALLY complicated--for one I BARELY EVEN KNOW HER!!---ok so we ARE friends but I dont REALLY know her!! WE HAVENT EVEN DATED!!



Ok so I just graduated from an Ivy League law school about a year(focus: Corporate Law), and I am finishing up an intership in Chicago.....anyways....(I made about $36k last year).

I have a REALLY great future set up for me....I just accepted a position at a firm in New York that is going to pay me a STARTING salary of $120k!!! Anyways...I have worked my *** off all my life and I am so happy to see it finally pay off. I grew up in a very middle-class home (my dad was a construction worker and my mom was a chef at a small restaurant). They sacrificed A LOT to make sure my sister (who is doing her 3rd year of her medical residency) and I had a good education....they somehow managed to pay for both of our undergraduate educations (it WAS NOT cheap). Anyways they don't know about it yet....they wouldnt be too happy......they are VERY STRICT Baptist Christians. Anyways, I do have around a $200k loan (for law school) which i have to pay off.



Ok let me be honest---my situation SUCKS!! I dont have any intention of starting a serious relationship with her....I dont have to just because she's pregnant right??? Im NOT an ****hole though....I sat her down and told her that I would pay ANY child support I am told to....AND I told her that if she needs more due to some unforeseen circumstance....I am MORE THAN WILLING to pay her more. She's a waitress btw.



The thing is--she wants to MOVE TO NY WITH ME!! I DONT WANT HER TO!!! Im going to be working 80-100 hours/week and 6-7 days/week....its not like Im going to have any time to spend with her or my kid....and I wanna get married someday and have kids the proper way (after marriage).....I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.....I really cant.....I know I sound like Im abandoning my kid BUT IM NOT....I can see him/her during summer vacations....they do arrangements like that I think. And if she came there it would only cause DRAMA considering she proabably get jealous and try to **** me over when I date other women....Im NOT saying she will.....but it would be a VERY AWKWARD situation which she could exploit....



I dont know what to do.......SHE SHOULD BE HAPPY!!!.....she is going to make a SHITLOAD of money over the next 18-20 years through child support.....(she makes about $25k/year as a waitress)....the lawyers' salary at the law firm I joined rises FAST.



3-5 years exp.--avg= $150k-180k

5-10 ' ' = $180k-$300k

10-20 ' ' = anywhere from $300k-$500k

20+ years = $500k-$1 million

Top Lawyers with over 25+ years = can make pretty much anything from $1.5-$3 million.



I talked to a child support attorney who said that I will have to end up paying her around about 25% of my salary AFTER TAXES!!!!!!---THAT MEANS SHE GETS FREE CASH IN HER HAND!!!! SHE IS GOING TO BE MAKING AROUND $20k-25k IN PURE CASH NEXT YEAR!!

And its only going to go up.....there may even be a time where her child support may hit 6 figures!! I can only imagine what she's going to use it for!! And now she wants to follow me around to make my life a living hell!! I do not get it......SHE WON!! WHY CANT SHE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! SHE WON!!! In her mind she is thinking that she basically won the lottery!! I KNOW she is!!! She is going to be getting HUGE sums of money during the next 18-20 years......she should be happy and just respect the fact that I never want to see her again!! I SAID I WOULD PAY!!! IM NOT EVEN GONNA FIGHT OVER IT EITHER!! I TOLD HER I WOULD PAY!! WHY WONT SHE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! She makes ME look like a father who abandon's his kid!! WELL IM NOT!! I said i would see him/her in summer!! She'll be fine raising him during the year after all the money she's gonna be sucking outta me!!!



OMG WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!.....That just flowed out.......I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!! HELP!!HELP!! She's Pregnant and I don't know what to do!!!?
omg not trying to be a ***** but you could of used a condom if u didn't want a serious relationship but all u can do really be there for her and the baby and take it from there really and be the good man u know how to be.
she knew what she was doing. it happens all the time.
Pay the child support.



In the future, keep your pants zipped.
From an Asian perspective - you should marry her and take responsibility for your child. You got to get married someday anyway and you'll get to know more of her as you enter your marital roles.



There are some issues you need to sort thru though. Are you positively sure that the kid is yours and that she is truly pregnant? Could she be seeing other people as well? Will she consider an abortion?



The issue is not about money here. Try to not panic and handle this maturely. So just be open and honest and see what outcome you can come up with her. She can move to NY but you both need not live together and it might give you plenty opportunity to meet with your child and take responsibility for your kid.
Do u even kno if the child is even urs?? Not 2 be rude but she kinda seems like a iffy if she barley knew u and is now pregnant....Well anyways when the child is born and u go 2 court 4 child support they will do a DNA test 2 see if the baby is urs and if not that should be great 4 u! If it happens 2 be urs tho u can always just cut off complete communication if u just want 2 pay child support and 4get about ur child and she wont ever kno anything about how 2 find u or nothing. My bf had 2 do that with his ex bc she just couldnt let him go and the funny thing is is that he broke up with her bc she kept sleeping around with like a million guys and he would catch her 2! He still sees his daughter and pays childs support, but she doesnt have his number, doesnt know where he lives and another funny thing is he has a restaining order on her as well. U could use those options....
Congrads Dont Let Your Wife Girlfrend Mate See This But ditch Her if you don't want a kid but if you want one stay thair but tell your got a job In NY But Good Luck
wow, I do not think you have to be with anyone just for a child. but If you just met her I don't understand why she would want to move with you. I still think that every one that conceives a child should have both parents in there lives. I know how it feels to not have a father in your life. I would tell her to move to NY if she wants but not with you. Once you see that child I think your whole perspective will change. Just like your parents raised you and gave you a good education. Wouldn't you want that for your child?
Ok, ok...I wish you were here in my kitchen so I could really speak to you.... First of all, repent. You have made a mistake and now you are going to have to pay for it in more us than one. Pretend I am like your mother and listen... also, I am like that child who grew up w/o a dad. First of all, more than your professional success I believe your parents want to see you be a man of character. I believe they will stand by you and encourage you and pray for you. Give them the opportunity to give you counsel.... More than the money, which you know is fleeting and not something to set your foundation on, you must consider a more urgent matter... your child, yes, your child. Your first born child who will call you daddy. If you were to look for someone to raise your child would his woman be it? You say that you don't know her but you are.willing to give her your child. Maybe having her closer would.be best..you are the father and accountable for your child's well being. So you probably will marry someday....you will want a wife whose heart loves you enough to love your child, a woman who has enough grace to look toward the future rather than the past. This.future wife needs the opportunity to interact with you and your child on a regular basis.. you don't know the future.:..you may someday have complete custody:....this child may even grow up to take care of you in your old age..:..and chances are, your parents will be wonderful grandparents....don't cheat them from that blessing. It will be okay, maybe God has allowed this in your life to make you a better man. Don't be afraid. You will do fine.
http://divpat.org/ThePriceOfSexOutsideMa鈥?/a>



Beyond that, time to learn what you have to do. These links will teach you, so start studying.

http://divpat.org/Children-Of-Separated-鈥?/a>

http://divpat.org/Getting-Started-Father鈥?/a>

http://divpat.org/Attorneys-Hiring_The_R鈥?/a>

http://divpat.org/Paternity-What-Men-Nee鈥?/a>
No one gets rich on child support. It's spent on the child. Yes, children are expensive.



Be a man, and do the right thing. Be a father to your child.



Blessings.

/Orthodox
Not to take away the benefit of the doubt, but if you havent dated this girl, or really know her all that well, how can she prove it was you that impregnated her? Sorry to sound so Maury but she can't prove that it was you...and from the sounds of it, if some other broke dude got her pregnant, and she KNOWS you are on the right path with your career with a stable 6 figure income, it's not uncommon that she could be telling you that you are the daddy so that she has stable child support. I would opt for a paternity test...might have to be after the baby is born, but I would talk to her, or any, gynocologist for advice.



Even if you think you know this person, always keep that in the back of your head...
If she only cared about the money, than why does she want to move to NY to be near you??



You had sex with her, don't be surprised by the fact she is pregnant - sex = babies. As a "good babtist" man, you should know that premarital sex leads to unwanted pregnancy. Stop thinking about yourself, stop thinking about what she wants, and start thinking about the child. So you want to be a "part time" daddy?? Thats pathetic, sorry. A child is a full time responsibility, you don't get to CHOOSE. If this woman wants to move to be near you so her kid can get to know its Dad, then she is doing the right thing. I think that shows her intentions are pure. Sure, you wanted to do it the right way, but you didn't. You don't get the choice of doing it the right way, because whether or not you like it, you have a kid now. Deal with it.... I hope for the sake of your child you realize this woman is doing the right thing by wanting to be near you. Like I said before, if she only wanted the money, she would stay put and collect the paychecks.
What I find scary is that with such a well thought out future you made such a silly mistake. Have you considered how this sort of mistake will look to your new law firm?



All that aside, you seem to see this problem just in terms of money. Maybe the girl is just after your money but then to be honest if she was she'd be taking the money offer and be grateful you didn't want more. the fact that she wants to move in could mean a few other things:



1) she believes in a child living with both its parents

2) she doesn't want the stigma of being a single mom

3) she actually has feelings for you and you've either not noticed or just used this fact to sleep with her

4) she's scared of going through all of this alone and would sooner live with a guy she hardly knows than so it on her own

5) she wants more kids in the future and prefers to have the same father so wants to maintain a relationship with you



It could be one of the above, several of them, all or even none of them. If you'd gotten to know her better then you'd know. If you understood her motives for moving in then maybe it would help you deal with the situation. Why not meet up with her and have a proper chat and actually listen to her. If you understood her issues then maybe you could offer a different solution to just giving her money. I can tell you now that for me the child seeing its dad is by far the most important aspect for me than getting money. And by how you talk, living with you would be the only chance a child has to spend time with you - how do you propose to maintain a relationship with a child that you see for just a few weeks once a year? You're not going to feel responsible for its emotional well being so you won't be there when there's a problem or on hand for advice.



If I was this girl I'd be feeling pretty scared and nervous right now, her emotions are all over the place and the one person who should be there for me is busy talking about money and trying to run from the situation.



*I like to give ppl the benefit of the doubt and believe there's good in all because I'd sooner be let down by their behaviour than know my behaviour has let them down. Only you'd know if this waitress is on the level or not...*



Good luck with it all and btw Congratulations! Being a daddy can be a rewarding thing and while you don't feel it now, can be the proudest thing you ever do in your life... just wait and see xxx
Well, there's two options here.

1.) Be a man and provide for the child you helped create. FYI: Paying money monthly doesnt make you a dad, you need to have a relationship with your child...Your baby deserves that. Even if you arent with the mother, you need to prioritize being a father, and make sure you see your child and give it the love he or she deserves..

2.) Back out of the situation, like a loser, and tell her you cant help out. This would be a terrible decision..This girl is just a waitress and youll be making great money..She needs your help and rightfully. Do what is right.

If you dont want to be with her, just tell her..Dont lead her on..But press that you WILL be there and WILL help her..And dont just say it either, actually be there for her and your child!
Wow, calm down. I think the best thing to do is sit her down again and use your skills as a lawyer to make it her idea to not follow you. Quit bringing up the money though because its not about that. It's about the baby.

I also think that you need to tell your family so that they can give you advice that'll help more because they know you.

Nothing is wrong with you, just remember protection next time.

Good luck and God bless.