Ok this is a LONG entry but PLEASE read ALL of it if you want to answer. Thanks. Im 26 btw.
So this girl I have been hanging out for several months told me she is PREGNANT!!! Im gonna be a DAD!!!.....I have had SOOO many emotions in the past 48 hours....but it gets REALLY complicated--for one I BARELY EVEN KNOW HER!!---ok so we ARE friends but I dont REALLY know her!! WE HAVENT EVEN DATED!!
Ok so I just graduated from an Ivy League law school about a year(focus: Corporate Law), and I am finishing up an intership in Chicago.....anyways....(I made about $36k last year).
I have a REALLY great future set up for me....I just accepted a position at a firm in New York that is going to pay me a STARTING salary of $120k!!! Anyways...I have worked my *** off all my life and I am so happy to see it finally pay off. I grew up in a very middle-class home (my dad was a construction worker and my mom was a chef at a small restaurant). They sacrificed A LOT to make sure my sister (who is doing her 3rd year of her medical residency) and I had a good education....they somehow managed to pay for both of our undergraduate educations (it WAS NOT cheap). Anyways they don't know about it yet....they wouldnt be too happy......they are VERY STRICT Baptist Christians. Anyways, I do have around a $200k loan (for law school) which i have to pay off.
Ok let me be honest---my situation SUCKS!! I dont have any intention of starting a serious relationship with her....I dont have to just because she's pregnant right??? Im NOT an ****hole though....I sat her down and told her that I would pay ANY child support I am told to....AND I told her that if she needs more due to some unforeseen circumstance....I am MORE THAN WILLING to pay her more. She's a waitress btw.
The thing is--she wants to MOVE TO NY WITH ME!! I DONT WANT HER TO!!! Im going to be working 80-100 hours/week and 6-7 days/week....its not like Im going to have any time to spend with her or my kid....and I wanna get married someday and have kids the proper way (after marriage).....I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.....I really cant.....I know I sound like Im abandoning my kid BUT IM NOT....I can see him/her during summer vacations....they do arrangements like that I think. And if she came there it would only cause DRAMA considering she proabably get jealous and try to **** me over when I date other women....Im NOT saying she will.....but it would be a VERY AWKWARD situation which she could exploit....
I dont know what to do.......SHE SHOULD BE HAPPY!!!.....she is going to make a SHITLOAD of money over the next 18-20 years through child support.....(she makes about $25k/year as a waitress)....the lawyers' salary at the law firm I joined rises FAST.
3-5 years exp.--avg= $150k-180k
5-10 ' ' = $180k-$300k
10-20 ' ' = anywhere from $300k-$500k
20+ years = $500k-$1 million
Top Lawyers with over 25+ years = can make pretty much anything from $1.5-$3 million.
I talked to a child support attorney who said that I will have to end up paying her around about 25% of my salary AFTER TAXES!!!!!!---THAT MEANS SHE GETS FREE CASH IN HER HAND!!!! SHE IS GOING TO BE MAKING AROUND $20k-25k IN PURE CASH NEXT YEAR!!
And its only going to go up.....there may even be a time where her "child support" may hit 6 figures!! I can only imagine what she's going to use it for!! And now she wants to follow me around to make my life a living hell!! I do not get it......SHE WON!! WHY CANT SHE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! SHE WON!!! In her mind she is thinking that she basically won the lottery!! I KNOW she is!!! She is going to be getting HUGE sums of money during the next 18-20 years......she should be happy and just respect the fact that I never want to see her again!! I SAID I WOULD PAY!!! IM NOT EVEN GONNA FIGHT OVER IT EITHER!! I TOLD HER I WOULD PAY!! WHY WONT SHE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! She makes ME look like a father who abandon's his kid!! WELL IM NOT!! I said i would see him/her in summer!! She'll be fine raising him during the year after all the money she's gonna be sucking outta me!!!
OMG WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!.....That just flowed out.......I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!! HELP!!|||Dude you are a Total A hole, Shes good enough to screw but not to date and marry? and yes you are Abandoning this woman and your child. To entertain the Idea that you are some sort of Jackpot for this woman just shows what a narcissistic piece of crap you are. You don't have build a life with this woman, but if you are any sort of a man you will build a relationship with your child.|||Why were you sleeping with her if you weren't dating her? This decision is going to affect the rest of your life. Think hard.|||Hun,this all should not even be about $.You have a child on the way whether you like it or not.Next time,think with your head!!|||same questions again??|||shouldve use a condom...
guys r weird now a days, step up to the plate boy..|||You are an arrogant, uninformed person!
How dare you say she's going to be cashing in and enjoying her life?!?!?!? Who cares what she does with the money, she deserves as much as she can get out of you, seeing as though it's all about money anyway and not about a father who REALLY cares about his CHILD, HIS FLESH AND BLOOD!!!! !!!
Who is the one that's going to be sitting up at night, perhaps battling with a difficult baby? Who is going to be the one having to bend over backwards to make her shifts fit around daycare hours? Who si the one having to sacrifice a social life for a baby? Who is the one bound to care for an utterly dependent little person? NOT YOU OF COURSE!!!
I think you need a harsh reality check and some counseling before getting to arrogant young man! You really make all men look terrible! Shame on you!!! !!!|||first of all.. you dont have to pay 25% child support exactly if you participate in your kids life and talk to her about financially. If shes really your friend then it would be easier for you to settle this.
The only way youll have to pay 25% (if that) is if she sues you for child support and the judge will ask u to pay that much but you don't have to go there. Just be a good friend and a good dad. Just talk to her, be there for the kid..
Sometimes the kid could end up being w u since you make more than her..Shell be the one paying child support.
Just talk to her and dont worry about money. You dont bring those cash when you die. Dont think too high about yourself(money wise) because you dont have wings and one of these days no matter how hard you try you will land where you started. People that are so obsessed with money will never be happy or content.
Just make sure you dont start arguing w her about stupid things cause sometimes females makes rush decisions and sue u. So, work things out w her, tell her your there to help emotionally and physically. Dont brag to her about your pay..|||Just to to relax...not your not an a**hole for not wanting to raise a child with a woman you barely know. However, I do thin you are wrong for never wanting to see her again...with children it is not always about the money, you need a good support system when having a child, someone else you and that child can depend and generally that is the father! Not wanting her to move to New York is understandable! Talk to her, tell her to wait until the child is actually here before she goes and moves, are you sure it is even yours, I mean if you do not know her all that well and never dated isn't it possible that she has slept with other people...I would get a DNA test done before anything is done! I really hope everytihng works out for you and try looking at things from her perspective! That may help you realize why she feels the way she does! Also, if you plan on being in the kids life when you have time, make sure she understands that you can still be a father without being in her life, there are plaenty of people who share kids and are with other people!|||Bottom line . . . you play . . . you pay.
Every time you have sex (even using protection), you run the risk of pregnancy. I'm not saying you have to marry this girl, but you need to live up to your responsibilities and both of you work together on a solution.
As for the potential child support . . . kids are expensive!!! Would it be fair to her or the child that you're living in NY making a butt-load of cash while they're barely scraping by? Hell no!!! You helped to create this little person-to-be (even if it was unintentional) so you can help with the financial support.
No offense meant, but it's time to grow up and look at the whole picture and not just the impact your "dilemma" is going to have on your future.|||Oh man....i can feel your stress level through your writing. First of all, how far is she with the pregnancy, she may end up losing the baby if she has not reached the 3 months milestone yet. That would be the end of this drama.
I think that you should take it one day at a time. You control your future to some degree, but whose to say that your life will go the way you think it will go. You might get ill and unable to work, who knows...Many scenarios are possible.
Human beings have been making babies outside of wedlock since the beginning of time, you are an adult and sorry for your parents but it happened, and you are not the last one to whom it will happen either.
The worst mistake would be to move in with the girl. That would be really bad for the child and yourself. Just pay what you need to pay, have some visitation rights and stop worrying. There is a reason for everything in life. That baby may become your best friend and source of happiness, who knows.
Things would be a lot worst if you had not finish your degree and if you would have no job. You can support the child and if the mom is sane and responsible, i think she deserves a little extra for the efforts she will put into raising a responsible human being that you contributed to create.
Next time, put a condom.|||As i am sure you know by now you should have used protection. but yeah why were you sleeping with he especially without protection if you weren't dating he and didn't want to get serious? if she wants to move to New York more power to her but you need to make sure she understands that you don't want a relationship with her and that is she moves there she is going to be on her own and not with you. Now i understand the this wast planned and definitely isn't the way you wanted things to happen but it is the way they happened so you really need to do what is right and im not just talking about the money cuz i tell you what she isn't "making" money cuz all of that money will be going to the baby(clothes, diapers, baby sitters, bigger house, ect.) cuz those little guys are expensive especially for a single parent. you need to be there for YOUR baby and that might mean baby sitting, giving up a night on the town with your buds, or what every but you cant just give her money and take off. Not only would that be unfair to her but to the child as well. i know there is no way you could understand how that child would feel but maybe just try for about 2 seconds. okay now if you are honest with the people you date she would have nothing to exploit, and if the people you are dating cant except the fact that you have a child then you shouldnt be dating then plain and simple. you helped make this baby so step up, be a man, and keep it in your pants next time. |||I'm sorry but it's your responsibility. Why are you talking about child support? Why don't you see if you guys can be together for real and make it work? It does not sound like you're mature enough to be a dad, but then again, I don't know you. She is probably better off without you though - you seem pretty selfish. my advice to you is to get over yourself and make this child your priority - if you're a REAL man that is...|||I work in a shop and we had 2 sons. Most weeks are70 hrs. plus. The wife doesn't work. Throw in soccer games ,swimming , scouts ,extra work I have to do around the house, I'm tired. But not too tired for the boys.I don't have the luxury of physical comforts as you do, the a/c , lunch out ,nice office, etc.My work gets bitter cold as we work out in the winter , and in the 90's inside in the summer, wringing wet with sweat.I wanted better for my children than this.You certainly can come up with a plan to compensate for your mutual carelessness.I don't give a damn for "we were just hangin' out" or "I hardly even know her",or "I'm not ready for a serious relationship". The consequences of casual sex are not so casual. Half a buck could have got you a cheap rubber.You are going into law, get an agreement cut in stone regarding what you have to pay, no less ,no more. Do that much , there are thousands of fatherless kids with no means of support, the world doesn't need more. Get moving. Do the right thing.|||As soon as you can, get a DNA test done on the kid. This seems harsh, but honestly, it seems like she's just using you for money. Do this to confirm the baby is actually yours.
Explain to her the best you can that you don't see relationship potential with her and living together would not be beneficial for the child. Pay child support if the kid is yours, and if you want to be a part of the kid's life, then that doesn't make you a deadbeat dad and she should be grateful. I can understand how she would be upset though, you have to understand that she is going through a huge ordeal on her own, likely not the way she planned. Even with child support, raising a child on your own isn't easy. Try to convince her to move in with her mother or a relative who's willing to help out.|||ok . . . let me be blunt. . you sound like the biggest asshole ever. Just so you know she didn't climb on top of herself and get herself pregnant. so yes your obligated to be there every step of the way sending your petty *** money doesn't make up for a parent not being there. your dumb *** is being selfish saying that she only wants to follow around to hinder you from being with other woman. did it ever occur to you that she just might really want you to be apart of your child's life. You make it seem like child support excuses your absence. You should have thought about all the things that could happen before you climbed on top of her. Now you have a situation your trying to run from your not a man your a coward. she can't handle everything alone. . .. your *** needs to get ya crap together and get your silly little mind right and start doing right by this girl. you talk about your parents how about if your dad got your mom pregnant and pulled the same ignorant **** your doing now. you probably wouldn't be as so called accomplished as you are. Man get your **** together looser! How would you like it if some dude did your sister like this. you need to really sit and think about that. and with your baptist background you think what your doing to this girl is ok. please! |||yeah your pretty ******.. but its not that bad at least you have a good job.. tap the *** pay the price...ever thought about raising the kid yourself.... that way you can at least be the father to the kid and she can visit you... and you dont have to pay child support.... idk how it works in court but umm if your making way much more money then she is thenyou should be able to win custody in court i would think.. plus you still dont even know if the baby is yours... you never dated her and you f***... who is to say she diddnt f anouther guy.. but since your the riches one she clams you|||It takes a lot more than money to raise a child, and apparently a lot more money than you think.
Life is hard for a single mother, between raising a child and working to support said child, and your $25,000 a year won't go nearly as far as you think it will. She'll obviously have to keep some sort of job, which means she's probably going to also need to hire someone to take care of this child, which eats away even more from this money.
Also, I think you're much more of an "***hole" than you give yourself credit for. She won? How did she win? She's completely and totally screwed.
That said, you have to morally support her. It's just as much your fault as hers, so go with what she says. Obviously you can't let her guilt you into a marriage if you feel nothing for her, but you have to let her know you do care. You know, even if you don't. It's your job now that you're going to be a father. Don't string her along, though, keep it clear that you want no commitments to her other than the child support and your fatherly duties (which I suppose would be the time you're to spend with the little bastard.) Like it or not, you have to mature now, because you couldn't pull it out in time. Or didn't wear a rubber. Or some other birth control method. Man up.
The kid is the one really getting screwed over here, followed by the woman, and then you.|||First of all, she is not getting "free cash" in her hand. She is responsible for a human life, and that is not only expensive, but time consuming and difficult. She seems like she is taking responsibility for the "huge mistake" you think you made. You are only seeing your side of the situation and I think you are being quite selfish. I'm 36 weeks pregnant. Granted, I am engaged and my fiance and I have been together a long time and we were engaged before I even got pregnant. But I think I would rather have him there, stepping up and being a real man, then having someone just "willing" to throw money at me and say "here, have some money, it should make up for me not wanting to be there for my child" You are 26 you say? You are an intern for corporate law and are smart and found a great job? Then if you did not want a child now, why did you not take the correct precautions? Your parents are strict Christians? then they will forgive you, you made a mistake, step up and be the "adult" you say you are. You are being completely immature and unsupportive and your whole entry sounds like a little whiny baby's entry. Suck it up, step it up and be there. And next time, wear a condom. If I were this poor woman, I would just take the money and run I wouldn't want a whiny man who throws away his responsibilities. You need to prioritize, yes a great and supportive job is important in life, but sometimes, things happen. And when those things happen to be another human life, well... you shouldn't have to think twice. |||your right about the part where your situation does suck...
your wrong about the part where your not an ********...because YOU ARE!!!
AND
the part where your not abandoning your kid...becasue YOU ARE!!
AND
r u serious.. she can take care of him for the year and i will see him in the summer????????? OMG??? youve got one thing right there is something wrong with you!
it is NOT all about the money and she did not win...you got her PREGNANT money is not going to give her her body back or her life...
If you "didnt even know her" WHY THE HELL did you have sex with her???
get over yourself and step up...be a man... be a father...
and WHOA!!! people r telling u to take the kid for yourself??? hell no!! even if you wernt a total ********... you would be working what was it 70-100 hours a week 6-7 days a week?? plus you dont even want the kid??
NO... let the mother keep her baby!|||First of all you are not only abandoning your child as if that鈥檚 not bad enough but the mother of your child too. Secondly, you are an asshole and thirdly, you want to brag about your expensive high level education yet you were not smart enough to use a condom, with all those dollar signs you are flashing around I know you could have afforded one. Did I mention you are an asshole? Maybe if your head isn鈥檛 taking up all the room in your *** you should put your dick in there also and practice not using that as well |||first of all you sound like a a** hole, saying she won, what the hell did she win ... a lifetime with jerk for as her baby's father. You were a man or so you thought when you were laying there making the baby so be a man and take care of him. It is not always about the money because a dollar bill can not substitute for a father. And if you think that she is so into the money then why sleep with a woman who you saw as a gold digger. And who cares what your parents will think you are a grown man. You need to own up to your responsibility and be a father. Summers with your kid...are you serious..you really gon be a part time daddy and then years from now u get married and have a "legitimate" family where you actually stay and raise your kids what will you tell the one that you didn't raise...that he wasn't good enough and be happy with the child support you send. You are weak..you are a coward and walking out on that child will be the biggest mistake you can ever make...and no amount of money will make up for that..having a father who loves you and is there is priceless...you should know your father was there for you..you should man up and do the same for your kid|||From an Asian perspective - you should marry her and take responsibility for your child. You got to get married someday anyway and you'll get to know more of her as you enter your marital roles.
There are some issues you need to sort thru though. Are you positively sure that the kid is yours and that she is truly pregnant? Could she be seeing other people as well? Will she consider an abortion?
The issue is not about money here. Try to not panic and handle this maturely. So just be open and honest and see what outcome you can come up with her. She can move to NY but you both need not live together and it might give you plenty opportunity to meet with your child and take responsibility for your kid.|||omg. stop being like that! money cant solve EVERYTHING! SHE is the one who has to commit the next 18+ years raising this kid! this kid needs a dad!! |||let her move to ny with you and try to make it work. she must at least be attractive since you were sleeping with her. and even if you dont like her, thats your son or daughter bro... be a dad to that kid not just a paycheck|||Okay so let me get this straight. You've been "hanging out with her" for "several months." So you've been sleeping with her for several months. but not dating her. Think about what you've been doing to HER head for the past couple months. now think about her situatin. She is single and pregnant. And you're kind of the one who did it to her. So why dont you be a man and take some of the responsibility. how exactly did she hit the lottery? She just got knocked up by an asshole who is moving across the country and won't even be there to support her. Think about that one. Who cares about the money. She needs your support and so does the kid. You are being very selfish.
You need to look at it from her point of view for a minute. She has to carry the child for 9 months. You are expecting her to take care of it, on her own for the next 18 years, while you get "summer vacations and stuff." Oh but you're paying her so that makes it okay.
You know what. maybe she actually fell for you. maybe she actually had feelings for you. And now you have a kid together.
But wait it's always the girl's fault isnt it??
Men suck.|||Listen man, I feel your pain and stress based on your writing.
But seriously, if I did that to my girl being 19 years old like I am now, I'd be happy and excited to have my own kid brought into this world! Not because I'm ready to be a father because I'm not. The reason I would be is because this child is something we made together. And based off my action and hers, that is my responsibility and I will do whatever it takes to support that child no matter how much money that'll cost me. My own flesh and blood would be worth more to me than anything else in my life. That child will be yours, and your babies mom is probably freaking out if you are acting like this around her. She is having the baby, and she will have to take care of it if you will be working so much. The best piece of advice to give you is to MAN UP and support the girl you got pregnant and be there for your child! Don't worry about the money... it's the price you pay. But for me, I'd be willing to give up any amounts of money to keep my family. I myself is studying to be a Firefighter and only starting out making about $40K/year, thats just fine for me. Sure, I'm not going to be the richest man on earth but I really don't care. As long as I have a loving, healthy family and a good career that I enjoy doing, then money means nothing more to me than just a number. It'll be nice to have more to get things I would want... but a family is more than enough to make me feel like the luckiest man on earth. And you are having one... stop freaking out, and step up to the plate and swing. I really don't care if you make less than $10K/year or more than a $1 million, money doesn't make yourself anything. It's the actions you take and decisions you make and have you live your life. And I'll tell you one thing... if you are having this bad attitude and acting like this, you are off to one TERRIBLE start! Support the girl and your soon-to-be-child. You are 26, start acting like it.
I don't care if you worked so hard your whole life to make a certain amount of money... you better work even harder to support this child you made and his mother. A happy healthy child and mother is a lot more important that whatever number is after a $.|||You could always be a man and sue for full custody. If your some sort of high-powered lawyer from your Ivy league school then you should be able to knock any cheap attorney she hires out of the water. Then she'd pay you child support. But you most likely won't because by reading this it seems you care more about your money and social life than your kid. |||i'm pretty sure we all don't need to know all of that. no one cares about your fancy education or you big paying position. it's not free cash and if she's a good mom, it'll all go towards the kid. kids are expensive and i know from experience. no woman in their right mind would think they won the lottery by having a baby. being a mom is tough and at times is really frustrating. you don't have to marry her and all that stuff, but come on, she wants some help. if i had to pick between lots of money or just someone to be around to help take care of my daughter i would take the later. money can't watch my daughter while i take a shower for 15 mins, it can't change her diapers and it can't get her to stop crying. to be honest, you ARE abandoning your kid. you WON'T be there to watch it grow up, you WON'T go to their class play, you WON'T see them on their birthdays. my mom did the same thing to me. I'm now 22 years old and she still feels like she has to pay for things to make up for her guilt of missing out on watching me grow up. All she did was send me money to pay for clothes and my education, she was never physically there. I love my mom, but i have very little respect for her. If you didn't want a kid, you should have kept it in your pants. plain and simple. be a man, not a little boy. you don't have to marry her or even date her. you don't even really have to talk to her, but don't punish the baby because of it and certainly don't complain about it. my younger cousin's dad makes a ton of money working for GE medical and i can tell you one thing. all the money his dad sends in child support goes to him. he's not lacking in anything. so not all moms want the money for themselves. some actually use it on their kids. clothes, food, housing and education does cost money you know Mr. Ivy League. some people are only book smart and not street smart. |||All i can say is that's the price you pay for having unprotected sex, or any form of sex with someone you don't want to spend the rest of your life with.
Grow up and don't have sex again until you are married!!
btw you are a total prick
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