Was it right for the MOH to do this?

A few weeks ago, I was invited to a Bachelorette Party. The bride-to-be and went to law school together, and while she has since moved to Indianapolis, her big party will be in Chicago. The host (as it appears on the invitation) is her MOH.



The itinerary goes something like this: Beaching it on the lakeside during the day, dinner at a swanky restaurant, a comedy show, then heading out to the bars. There is also a hotel block.



Sounds like fun, so I accepted the invitation, marked it in my calendar, and bought my friend a nice little lingerie set from my favorite boutique.



Then I get this email today from the host/MOH finalizing some last minute details. Turns out, she booked the tickets for the comedy show already and would like us to send her a check reimbursing her as soon as possible. Great, I'm glad. So I check the bottom of the email where it lists the "amount due" for each guest, and you can imagine my shock as I see that the amount due is exceedingly more than the purchase price of the ticket.



Confused, I scroll down the email, looking for an explanation, and sure enough... there it is, in small font (yes, she actually minimized the normal size of the email font). She explained that she charged each guest extra in order to cover for the bride's expenses (her transportation, comedy show ticket, her meals, cover charges to bars, beverages, and hotel expenses).



This irks me.



It has nothing to do with money-- I could care less about the money. Nor does it have anything to do with willingness-- for had the MOH asked me for financial assistance, I would have been more than happy to provide it. But it has everything to do with the fact that 1) I'm not the Host or even a Bridesmaid, and 2) I wasn't asked beforehand if this arrangement would be okay with me.



Is the MOH right to do this? It was my understanding that the Host or all the Bridesmaids together pay for this. Am I wrong?



Even if it is standard for all the guests to collectively contribute, should I have at least been asked beforehand?Was it right for the MOH to do this?
I would just give her the money for the price of the ticket and send her a letter/email with it explaining you can only pay for the ticket now and you will help out the bride when it comes to the day of the party.



I don't think it was right but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go b/c that would be hurting both you and the bride. The bridal party should be paying the Bride's way. Anything that the guests of the party want to spend on the bride are just extra.
Tell her that what she did is rude and that the cost should only be how much the tickets cost, and that because of her greed and rudeness, you are sorry but you will not be coming. Tell the bride too. That is rude and tasteless. Don't pay her one penny.Was it right for the MOH to do this?
just tell her u r a little tight on money and con only pay for your expense and make like a 25$ helping to her. Cause she sounds .like a freakn brat
You are totally right and if I were you I would send her the check (for the amount of the ticket only) with a polite explanation for why (exactly like you wrote on here) and keep the extra for yourself and spoil the bride your own way while you're with her.
You're right: the attendants pay for the bride and not the guest(s). That's absurd. The MOH needed to collect money from her fellow bridesmaids.
Standard would be that the bridesmaids %26amp; MOH would be the ones to cover the cost of the bride. You are, after all, an invited guest, not part of the bridal party or a hostess as this event.



And you absolutely should have been asked beforehand. For the MOH to simply assume that everyone would contribute, especially in this economy is rather rude. She should have even gone over all of this with the bridesmaids as well prior to booking any of the events, as that is simply common courtesy.



I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to be irked. No advice on what you should do about it, though...sorry. :)
I think it is fairly normal for guests to help cover the brides cost of a pricey bachelorette party but the MOH should have let everyone know before purchasing everything. Also, depending on the cost of the night, the bride should put her foot down and tell the MOH to make the plans cheaper.



I went to a bachelorette party a few weeks ago where this happened. The MOH planned a great day/night that was going to be $150 a person. When the bride saw the invites she canceled the day part (day at the spa) and just did the evening which brought it down to $90 a person. It was still a bit pricey considering that some guests were still in school but it was worth the price. We had a blast!
Sometimes everyone chips in so that the bride doesn't have to pay. However, I think it would have been more in taste to let the guests know on the invite or discuss it with them beforehand, especially considering how expensive an evening is planned. The way the MOH has set things up makes it seem like she's trying trick guests into helping or maybe she had originally planned to pay herself or with the other BM's and found out it was too expensive.I definitely don't like the way everything was handled by the MOH.

I think in this situation the best thing to do is reply back to the MOH and let her know that you would have been happy to chip in for the bride's night, had you been given advance notice. However, you have already gotten the bride a gift for the evening and so cannot afford anymore, except maybe to buy the bride a drink or two.

If you don't feel comfortable doing that then just suck it up and pay, I guess. Good luck with everything!
It was rude of her to not state beforehand that she would like everyone invited to help cover the expenses. It is, however, commonplace for those attending BPs to pay their part. I have never heard of paying for the bride's expenses, but then I have been a bridesmaid and not an MOH (MOHs tend to have more financial responsibility). The cost to the attendee generally does not exceed $20-50, depending on the events scheduled. The last BP I attended, I was a bridesmaid, and the wedding was a nice one (cousin married a celeb's grandson) and the only cost I had to pay was my meal at the restaurant.
I agree with you, When it comes to money it is a touchy subject however as the MOH she should have talked it over with the bridal party and they should have came up with a way of paying for the bride. For whatever reason they could not come up with the extra cash then the MOH should have sent out an email that explains the total cost of things before she asks of confirmation of attendance.
You are ABSOLUTELY correct when you say the MOH has NO RIGHT to do that. I totally understand how you feel as I am the mother of the FLOWER GIRL in my friends wedding and was asked at the last minute to contribute to the bridal shower. I too had no problem with contributing. I told the MOH that I could only contribute a certain amount because I still have to but my daughters attire as well as my own and still give a nice wedding gift. I told her the amount. I was crystal clear. She said “OK”. But then ON the day of the shower, she told me it wasn't enough!



And yes, the MOH with the bridesmaids are to share in the expenses. You should not have to contribute. And its nice that you are willing, but the MOH handled it in a tasteless fashion. You have every right to feel the way you do. What the MOH should do is buy a card that lists ALL the people who help to contribute to making this party happen. Its the least she can do.
You are not over reacting. That's very rude!



This situation, etiquette wise, requires advance notice or prearrangement.



Sorry you're going through this.



*

*

*
I think she was right to do this. I have had to contribute toward the bride's expenses at every bachelorette party I've ever been to. It is customary and should have been expected.
You're right. MOH is tacky and classless for doing what she did. Bridal party pays, not the guests.
That's extremely rude and very distasteful in my opinion. Does your friend know she did that?
I absolutely agree with you on both your points. The bridesmaids and MOH usually cover this cost. And in the event that they couldn't afford it, they should have at least asked the invited guests before just expecting you to cover this additional cost. But the easier thing that they could have done is simply had the party at someplace they could afford to cover the cost for themselves rather than having it somewhere expensive and then just expecting you to pick up the tab.