So this girl I have been hanging out for several months told me she is PREGNANT!!! Im gonna be a DAD!!!.....I have had SOOO many emotions in the past 48 hours....but it gets REALLY complicated--for one I BARELY EVEN KNOW HER!!---ok so we ARE friends but I dont REALLY know her!! WE HAVENT EVEN DATED!!
Ok so I just graduated from an Ivy League law school about a year(focus: Corporate Law), and I am finishing up an intership in Chicago.....anyways....(I made about $36k last year).
I have a REALLY great future set up for me....I just accepted a position at a firm in New York that is going to pay me a STARTING salary of $120k!!! Anyways...I have worked my *** off all my life and I am so happy to see it finally pay off. I grew up in a very middle-class home (my dad was a construction worker and my mom was a chef at a small restaurant). They sacrificed A LOT to make sure my sister (who is doing her 3rd year of her medical residency) and I had a good education....they somehow managed to pay for both of our undergraduate educations (it WAS NOT cheap). Anyways they don't know about it yet....they wouldnt be too happy......they are VERY STRICT Baptist Christians. Anyways, I do have around a $200k loan (for law school) which i have to pay off.
Ok let me be honest---my situation SUCKS!! I dont have any intention of starting a serious relationship with her....I dont have to just because she's pregnant right??? Im NOT an ****hole though....I sat her down and told her that I would pay ANY child support I am told to....AND I told her that if she needs more due to some unforeseen circumstance....I am MORE THAN WILLING to pay her more. Im also helping her through her pregnancy....I get her whatever she needs and run other errands for her. She's a waitress btw.
The thing is--she wants to MOVE TO NY WITH ME!! I DONT WANT HER TO!!! Im going to be working 80-100 hours/week and 6-7 days/week....its not like Im going to have any time to spend with her or my kid....and I wanna get married someday and have kids the proper way (after marriage).....I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.....I really cant.....I know I sound like Im abandoning my kid BUT IM NOT....I can see him/her during summer vacations....they do arrangements like that I think. And if she came there it would only cause DRAMA considering she proabably get jealous and try to **** me over when I date other women....Im NOT saying she will.....but it would be a VERY AWKWARD situation which she could exploit....
I dont know what to do.......SHE SHOULD BE HAPPY!!!.....she is going to make a SHITLOAD of money over the next 18-20 years through child support.....(she makes about $25k/year as a waitress)....the lawyers' salary at the law firm I joined rises FAST.
3-5 years exp.--avg= $150k-180k
5-10 ' ' = $180k-$300k
10-20 ' ' = anywhere from $300k-$500k
20+ years = $500k-$1 million
Top Lawyers with over 25+ years = can make pretty much anything from $1.5-$3 million.
I talked to a child support attorney who said that I will have to end up paying her around about 25% of my salary AFTER TAXES!!!!!!---THAT MEANS SHE GETS FREE CASH IN HER HAND!!!! SHE IS GOING TO BE MAKING AROUND $20k-25k IN PURE CASH NEXT YEAR!!
And its only going to go up.....there may even be a time where her "child support" may hit 6 figures!! I can only imagine what she's going to use it for!! And now she wants to follow me around to make my life a living hell!! I do not get it......SHE WON!! WHY CANT SHE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! SHE WON!!! In her mind she is thinking that she basically won the lottery!! I KNOW she is!!! She is going to be getting HUGE sums of money during the next 18-20 years......she should be happy and just respect the fact that I never want to see her again!! I SAID I WOULD PAY!!! IM NOT EVEN GONNA FIGHT OVER IT EITHER!! I TOLD HER I WOULD PAY!! WHY WONT SHE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!! She makes ME look like a father who abandon's his kid!! WELL IM NOT!! I said i would see him/her in summer!! She'll be fine raising him during the year after all the money she's gonna be sucking outta me!!!
OMG WHATS WRONG WITH ME!!!.....That just flowed out.......I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!! HELP!!|||Nick S., is it? Well, Nick, first things first, unwind a bit, subsequently, when the child arrives undergo a paternity test. Struggle to not sweat the details until you鈥檙e certain this baby belongs to you. Simply have your ducks in a row for when the time draws near. It鈥檚 not worth suffering through so much anxiety concerning something that鈥檚 unknown. It鈥檚 completely acceptable that you don鈥檛 want an intimate relationship with the mother especially if you鈥檙e not in love with her. If the child is yours a long distant parent/child relationship certainly isn鈥檛 out of the question. Don鈥檛 feel it鈥檚 socially unacceptable as it is no one else鈥檚 concern. Just as the mother has made the decision that鈥檚 best for her, you need to make the choice that suits your needs. You wouldn鈥檛 be judged if society would do their part and remain neutral. You鈥檙e asking for ADVISE, NOT OPINIONS! Good luck.|||Certainly Nick S., you are most welcome. Good luck with your future endeavors
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|||i didn't read this crap. have you had sex with her? are you the only one she's had sex with? i'd get a DNA test when the kid comes. don't automatically tell her that you'll pay support. make sure that baby is yours. she could be seeing dollar signs...|||COME ON MAN, YOUR GOING TO BE A DAD!!!! Looks to me that you are set up for a good future. Be a man and support your child and the mother of your child. Drop the freakin lawyers and do the right thing.|||she let herself get pregnant with your child to get her hands on your future $$
its called control
she took the short cut to her fortune--cars, etc.
you idiot
|||The only thing that I read was I... I.... I... me... my... and a lot of capital letters. If you dont want children USE PROTECTION.
What can you do? Sit down and talk with her. Say that you do not want this to be a serious relationship, that you want to think about your career and you are not ready to have children or support someone with your child. Discuss whether she would like to adopt the child out, to keep him/her or to abort the baby.|||I am sorry, but it just seems like you are letting your money control your life, because you brought up how much you make many times in that question. Money isn't the answer. You were the one who had unprotected sex with her, you need to deal with the concequences. You shouldn't be freaking out because you have to give her money so she can raise your child by herself. Giving her money is the least you can do |||dude, first of all, you're a dick.
second of all, do not abandon your child and its mother so you can see them "over the summer".
third, you sound like a stereotypical lawyer with all the money talk. you may have to pay money, but she has to RAISE YOUR ******* CHILD
screw your head on straight jackass and take responsibility, apparently your $500k education didn't teach you anything|||Firstly, no, you don't have to date someone or have a relationship just because they are having your child. In fact, I think thats the worst reason to be with someone!
Yes, you will have to pay child support and it will probably be a lot, but it's your child. I'm from Australia so our system is different, but you may be able to work out a private arrangement with her when it comes to the money side of things
This is YOUR child too, you may not be ready for him/her, but it looks like it's going to happen.
To be honest, I don't think you can ever been 100% ready for children. I wasn't!
You should try and sit down and talk with her about the options you both have. Not sure if its possible for you to do that though. |||hahaha.. dude this is why u wrap the candy before u do the sweet... lol... ok man.. first of all.. u're 26.. u're fine.. u don't have to marry her.. n i think it's ok that she doesn't move in with you..
BUT...
how do u know it's yours for sure?... don't be an *** about it but just get some dna to be sure.. maybe the real father is a loser and she's trying to pin it on you...
maybe not..
if it is yours take care of it... be a good dad... u'll regret it someday if you don't..|||get over your self already. this is why there are condoms. stop beating your self over this situation. just stick with your plan. move on with your life. help like you have suggested. are you willing to give up your parental rights? well if so just do what ya gotta do.|||you really expect anyone to read that crap outlining your pleasure moment.just carry your own cross and take responsibility coz broda nothing sweat comes cheap and you must have done a good tiresome job|||You never even dated her and hardly knew her but you got her pregnant?? It doesn't strike you at all you do either before getting involved with her sexually? or practice safe sex for that matter.
God, i don't feel sorry for you at all. Guys like you everywhere. Having sex with her was YOUR decision. You do the deed, then suffer the consequences of your actions.|||okay. take a breath. this might rub you the wrong way but.... how far along is she? is this what you want? is this what she wants? depending how far along she is and whether or not you guys want this baby she could get an abortion.
are you sure she's really pregnant or do you think she just said that so she could be with you? get her to take a test again with you there. |||You're stuck with her so might as well marry her. Before that, make sure it's really your baby.|||okay dude, listen up. stop being a prick. this is what happens when dumbasses (and yes, you ARE a dumbass). don't feel bad. most people are dumbasses because most people have casual sex. BIG MISTAKE! DUMBASS MOVE NUMBER ONE! this is why i am abstinent.
how do u know she doesn't like you? what makes u think she is out to bring you to personal, social, and financial ruin? u knocked her up, it's your kid! guys should ne be having sex with girls they do not intend to marry! as in already have a ring. but its toooooo late for that now, aint it?
here's YOUR solution. sit her down, explain ALL OF THAT ^^ UP THERE! explain the wanting to be with other girls. you ivy league boys think you're so damn smart, but you aren't, are you? you can't plan beyond your 401k worth ****. sorry..that just flowed out.
look, you're damn right you're gonna pay her, but unless you have an ADULT discussion about how you feel, then you're a bigger pussy than you seem to be. she needs to know the truth. if it turns out she is just after cash, then she's the one with the problem, but to me it sounds like a guy who ****** up and has his head so far up his *** he doesn't know what to do. SHE sounds like an easy chick who met a guy who finally has a future and maybe she thinks you're a more decent human being than you are. not to make you feel bad.
so man up, put all your cards on the table, and stop asking for cyber help on yahoo! it's time to be a man - THIS IS YOUR RITE OF PASSAGE, brother. go out there and do it! and stop thinking with your little head from now on. this is why we had sex ed in school.
AND *** all the ppl saying abortion and that this happens and its no big deal. *** them! this is a HUGE deal. this is what is wrong with all u ppl. u think its ok to just knock a girl up long as u pay her some cash. THIS IS A HUMAN LIFE WITH A SOUL, it's not some SIMS character! this baby will grow up why his or her parents arent together n why daddy doesnt love him or her enough to be there. and daddy will just be sum lawyer back east he never met, or some business man who has never been to one of her birthday parties. u ppl make me sick. this child will grow up to question the world and his/her existence here and that of God and the meaning of life and will feel pain and cry and bleed, but that means nothing. just sweep another dirty secret under the rug but pay pay pay some bills to make it right. HA! its just a kid, sum1 else will deal with it, like a spill on the kitchen floor. grow up ppl!!!|||As obvious,you're not ready for a child.
I think you're totally doing the right thing by giving her the money she needs and you're right she doesn't have to move in with you! tell her that you're willing to take both responsibility of her and the child financially(as you said) and make it clear that you don't want her to move in,as that's not important when they have the money they need,
and you'll get to see them once in a while...see? no problem at all.|||I'd pay her to get rid of it. You don't really know her and if its yours shes got you for cash till the kid is 18! You've got a pretty good future set up. tell her straight up that you don't want to be involved other than financially and you don't want her living with you. If she makes you out to be a bad father, so be it. If she decides to keep it i guess you'll be paying up. Its a consequence of you guys actions ESPECIALLY if you didn't take proper precautions! good luck. thumbs down for me!|||Did you ever think that maybe it's not about the money. I can see how you think your life is ruined, but what about the child.
Summer holidays... so your kid would have a part time dad. You should think about this, I don't think she should move in with you but if she moves to NY at least you get to see your child.
I know you are stressed, just calm down and take it one day at a time.
Good Luck! |||she could be after your money get a dna done asap.. Well when the baby is born of course...maybe an abortion? Idk... haven't you heard of condoms.. This is kinda your fault.|||a' right bro, listen up man, i read ur entire question...........
this is fuc*ed up as u said.... $hit........ hmmm, i dont know what to say... but based on ur other answers, this is what i can do for ya....
1ST, make %100 sure that the child is yourzzzz....
2ND, yes, she coulda seen the dollar signs, and she knew that u have a great future, she might have actually planned it up.... who knows??? so beware of that!!!!!!!!
3RD, u cannot raise a child and take care of a family with the situation u have, u said u gonna be working so freaking hard!!!!! so u gotta talk to her and tell her that this is what's gonna happen!!!
4TH, u must talk to ur parents, they can be really helpful, tell them it was a mistake, im sure they wouldnt say anything bad bcaz they know how good u r!!!! (based on what u have explained)
so this is what i can tell ya mate, i knw it's really fuc*ed up .... but $hit happens and u just gotta deal with them...... u have another option of "taking care of the child" which i didnt wanna mention, by taking care i dont mean raise it i mean ... (hope u get it)
good luck and jah bless!!!|||First off I only hear you talking about yourself and how inconvient it is for you. YOUR GOING TO BE A FATHER! Time to stop obsessing over your money, because that seems to be all you care about. Maybe this woman that is carrying your child, likes you and thinks you guys should try dating. Your freaking out and not even giving her a chance, when she could be the one for you, YOU NEVER KNOW! Just chill out, and think about how shes feeling and don't assume she just cares about getting your money. Accident's happen, and now you need to man up and care about your child and the mother.|||oh wow....why you sex with her? that stupid.
that is bad....you are too young dad...that stupid.
because, you need to marry first, then have a job,
then you have to get ready for sex, and she have pregant.
you will be daddy, you have to know what to do!!!!!
my dad knows what to do for anything for me.
my dad is not young dad. just medium.
my dad and my mom got new boyfriend and new girlfriend,
then marry, then having a baby...ME!!! :)
they was getting ready, and they are my best parents.
if she born a baby, don't do any drugs, you have
to take care of baby, and getting ready for stuff of your baby. OK?
you can ask your dad what you to do...OK???|||maybe not abortion but, adoption?
and im completly against abortion too.
btw[by the way] its your own fault you got her pregenet.
did you not no what you where doing? your 26, are you not....|||I'm sorry to say that you strike me as a very shallow individual. Since, you definitely know it is your child (I'd still go in for a DNA test to be sure though), you should think about rearing it as well. I really do not see why you would not let her come and live with you in NY, so you both can care for the child (aka Ross %26amp; Rachel), apart from that you might want to be completely independent and make other women pregnant.
Don't really want to bash you, but it seems that in spite of all that you have learnt in college, the one thing you lack is responsibility. You just think that money can buy everything, but its time you start learning, that there are somethings that money can never buy you!
Take responsibility and try to rear your child together with the "waitress", and see how it goes.
BTW, never knew that being a 25K waitress was a worse thing than being a 200K lawyer.
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